


your ex lover is dead

by phanstarlight



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Closure, Jihoon's POV, M/M, Post-Break Up, jihoon tries i swear
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-22
Updated: 2018-01-22
Packaged: 2019-03-08 08:18:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13454193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phanstarlight/pseuds/phanstarlight
Summary: jihoon is forced out to a nightclub on a friday night of all days, to which he meets his ex.maybe something good could come out of this experience after all.





	your ex lover is dead

**Author's Note:**

> ↠ i based this off of the song "your ex lover is dead" by stars because i love the song ^^
> 
> ↠ it's angst! wooo

if you had told jihoon earlier that day that he'd be wasting his precious friday night in a sleazy nightclub with his less than amicable co-workers, he would've laughed. that sounded like his idea of personal hell.

and yet here he was, standing smack in the middle of hell, in a damn suit. his co-workers were all spread out on the dance floor, mostly smashed (who could blame them though, honestly) whilst he stood to the side, glass of beer in hand. soonyoung had left his side ages ago despite promising jihoon that he wouldn't ditch his side all night. suddenly, soonyoung had lost his place as the most trustworthy co-worker; jihoon was now forced to hand that one down to a completely intoxicated seungcheol.

loud music blared in his ears, but he wasn't focusing on it at all. rather, jihoon was thinking of ways to sneak out of this nightclub undetected; his boss had told him that if he didn't come his job would be at risk but honestly, at this point, he was prepared to lose it all. there were plenty more accountant firms in town that would be lining up for him! jihoon smiled triumphantly to himself as he took the chance to slip out of the nightclub as quietly as he could.

stepping outside, he saw some of his co-workers standing about too. there goes his plan of escape. jihoon sighed, cold air hitting him full force. looks like it was time to think of another plan and fast-

"oh, jihoonie!" he was pulled out of his thoughts by the sudden call; it was one of his co-workers, he thinks. in an instant, jeonghan had made himself present in front of him. to be honest, he didn't know jeonghan well at all; he was seungcheol's friend and could only be considered one of jihoon's distant acquaintances. he was a nice guy, though he looked (and sounded) to be pretty drunk.

"you're leaving already?" jeonghan questioned, pouting overdramatically, "no, you can't! especially not after i introduce you to my best friend!" jihoon took in a deep breath, already regretting every single one of his life decisions. the nightclub probably had a back door; why didn't he bolt it there?

jeonghan walked off for a few seconds before dragging over another man by his wrist (poor dude), grinning brightly as he pushed him forward.

instantly, the cold air hit jihoon even harder.

all he could do was stare at this boy, eyes as wide as saucers. he definitely didn't expect to see _him_ here...or ever again, in fact.

"...this is lee jihoon!" oh shit, he'd zoned out. jeonghan had already introduced the both of them and he hadn't heard any of it.

"yes, i think we've met before." the other boy smiled, just as warmly as jihoon remembered. his smile was one of the best things about him, something he had treasured fondly.

"i-" in that instant, it started to pour down heavily. jihoon cursed under his breath, hate taking over because the one day he forgot to bring an umbrella, and this had to happen.

"yo, guys, get in the taxi!" chan, the new apprentice, called over, waving the trio over. seungcheol and another co-worker that he just couldn't recall the name of (minkyu? mimikyu??) managed to squish in too.

the others talked and talked during the taxi ride, not letting down for the entire car ride. that being said though, he said nothing all ride. instead, he stared at jihoon, a look of concern and something else he couldn't figure out written on his features.

"...are you alright? you seem sad." he'd asked, voice low so the others wouldn't hear. jihoon could only manage a nod at this, immediately going back to his own thoughts.

truth be told, he wasn't sad.

he was trying to remember his name.

just what was it?

♡

oh, of course.

_joshua hong._

how could he forget such a name? after all, the two of them had dated for 2 years of their mundane lives.

♡

the two of them started dating in college, with joshua's shy confession during a frat, no less. jihoon accepted almost immediately since he had nothing to lose; joshua was a nice person and maybe, just maybe, they could make it work?

they held hands on campus all the time, walking each other to their respective classes and meeting each other afterwards. it was routine. joshua also made it a point to visit jihoon in the studio equipped with snacks and stories about his day. jihoon would ask joshua for his help with english too, and would always have to sheepishly ask the other to feature on his songs. of course, joshua always said yes.

they made it work.

at least, for a while.

you could ask anyone who knew the duo about who was the most "loved up" in the relationship and the answer would always be the same: joshua. the older boy was smitten with jihoon and refused to hide it. he loved everything about him and made sure he remembered this fact. jihoon knew this well and he appreciated it, but sometimes...it felt like too much.

things were doomed from the start, he mused, especially since jihoon could never say 100% that he loved, or even liked joshua in the same way. he tried to fall in love with the other in the same way but it never worked. no matter how much he tried, initiated kisses and cuddles, stayed up late talking to the other boy about everything, it never worked.

he tried to reach into the joshua's heart and to feel the same affection he did but he just couldn't get in.

they broke up in the fall.

joshua cried. jihoon felt guilty.

guilt was the strongest emotion he'd ever felt for joshua, ironically enough, though he never voiced that out loud. instead, he kept his eyes downcast as the other sobbed all his feelings out.

from that point onwards, they stopped talking completely. there was no more joshua and jihoon now, it was just joshua. just jihoon. jihoon carried on with his maths degree, forgetting about joshua with every autumn that came. he went on to be an accountant in seoul without the memory of said american boy in his mind.

it felt depressing to say that he never crossed his mind in all these years but it was the truth.

guilt overtook him once again.

♡

a year or so after he graduated, he remembered receiving a postcard in the mail from an untraceable address. the card displayed a photo of Pont Champlain in the night, dimly lit by the cars driving on it. the message on the back had been written in extremely neat cursive (though, it looked nothing like minkyung's or yoongi's, weird) as it simply read:

i hope you've found real love now

\- from the house down the road

was the message meant to mean something to him? jihoon stared at it a bit longer before discarding it in his desk drawer. it was probably addressed incorrectly, he assumed, but the picture was pretty. it made him feel warm inside for some reason.

♡

the rain let up and chan stopped the taxi at seoul station, allowing jihoon to get out. unfortunately for him, joshua had also decided to get out at the station too.

"will you two be ok getting home?" chan poked his head out of the taxi.

"mhm, we'll be heading off here," joshua stated, waving off the taxi, "thanks for the ride!"

the taxi sped off, leaving them both alone.

the mood somehow became even more awkward and unsettling for the both of them. jihoon made it a point to look anywhere but at joshua as he turned to walk into the station. if he didn't say anything about it then he wouldn't have to realise the mistakes he'd made. it was a fullproof plan; jihoon could move on from this and forget the beautiful boy once again.

"jihoon." joshua's voice brought him back, stunning him temporarily as he was forced to finally lock eyes with said boy. his expression was serious, something that he couldn't recall ever crossing his features whilst they were together.

"yes?"

joshua seemed to debate his words in his head before he began talking.

"there's one thing i want to say so i'll be brave," he stated, gaze heavy, "i've been waiting for this moment for longer than you can imagine." a bitter chuckle.

"...go on." truly, he didn't know how to respond.

"from the start, you were the one i wanted," he started nerves taking over him, "i chose to feel the way i did about you but you...you couldn't choose."

it was true, loving joshua was something that he had so desperately tried to do back then, but to no avail.

noting his lack of argument, joshua continued, "i gave you all that i could when we were together, and i guess you did the same...despite everything."

"...mhm." jihoon could only nod at that.

"we went awfully wrong but even so, i don't regret ever being with you."

"oh?" that one shocked him. he'd practically lied to joshua throughout their relationship and yet he didn't regret it completely. really, whether he liked him or not, jihoon doubted the idea that he would've ever deserved someone as good as joshua was before.

"i'm not sorry i met you, lee jihoon," they locked gazes again, joshua's eyes full of confidence, "and i'm not sorry it's over between us either."

jihoon nodded again, adding a small, "we had good times." he winced back at his own stupid comment, half expecting joshua to go off at him for it, but to his surprise the other boy let out a sound of agreement.

"despite everything, i could never say that i hated our time together," it was then joshua's voice dropped to an almost inaudible tone, "i even wanted to try again with us before, but that died pretty quick."

jihoon stood in silence, not knowing how to respond to that comment.

"now, i know what we had is completely over and..." joshua bit his cheek as he spoke, "i'm not sorry there's nothing to save."

that one hit jihoon harder than he expected.

he knew more than anyone that their relationship could never be saved, for his feelings were never there from the start. the two of them had common interests and loves but in the end, their feelings were never common: they were both alone in their loves and jihoon knew the chances of him finding a love in joshua were impossible.

still, acknowledging they had nothing to save felt sad.

he just didn't expect it to come out like that, from joshua no less.

taking a step back, joshua turned around.

"bye jihoon, it was nice to see you again." he murmured before leaving the elder outside the station alone.

"it was nice to see you too..." he'd said when he knew joshua was long out of earshot.

in the end, jihoon felt at ease after that conversation; officially setting an end to everything relaxed him somewhat. his relationship with joshua had been built upon lies (amongst other things) but the good times were there. they existed in his most special of memories.

jihoon didn't regret meeting joshua. not at all.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! i actually love this ship so i'm sorry for doin it so dirty in this flop fic  
> ↠ the postcard was sent by joshua btw, in an attempt to get over jihoon :P its the moment where he decides to actually try and move on


End file.
